All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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