Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
