It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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