worst night to have a conscience
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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