When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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