God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
