there's paper in my vomit.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
