Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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