Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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