the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
