You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
