I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
