we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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