guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
