Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
