Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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