I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
