I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
