I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
