Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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