Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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