Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
