Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
