guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
