I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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