Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
