I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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