we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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