I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
