im about as happy as oj after his trial
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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