matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i drank out of a bidet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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