I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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