Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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