The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
