did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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