I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
