Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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