Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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