new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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