Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
