gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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