HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
