Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
