I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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