I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
