I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
COCAINE IS GR8
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
