I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
