Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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