Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
