I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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