dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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