I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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