cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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