I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
