I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
