dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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