dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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