I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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