I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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