69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
