Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
