It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
