my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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