Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
