dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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