I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I want to be your penis for a week.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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