i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
