Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
