He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
