just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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