Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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