I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
