i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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