the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
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